What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
13.06.2025 04:52
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
What did i know ?
Especially a lifetime of it.
I said to her
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
How do I build rapport with anybody?
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
I write beautiful poetry .
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
What is the story of how you met your spouse?
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
I don,t even have a pension.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Have you ever been a victim of gaslighting? What happened?
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
What nonsense did you hear today in India that made you laugh?
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
So whats the point in blame.
What would TERFs do if there weren't such a thing as being transgender? Who would be their target?
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
One cannot live in the past .
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
What was the craziest place that you had sex with someone in public?
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
I was seconnd youngest,
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Do you have pics of the wife making out with another guy?
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
How come Taiwan is LGBT friendly, yet Japan and South Korea are not?
I was very sick at this time too.
Who then, do I blame.?
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Why do boobs of some girls bounce when they walk?
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Can you tell me a depressing story?
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
What was your wildest experience as a lesbian?
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
This is soul school!.
She loved him until the end.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
But it wasn’t much.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
I will be 64.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Would this be the day?
Im dying but, im not bitter.
My life is so biszare .
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
I was 9 years of age.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
She found it foreign!.
As i do to all so called friends.?
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
When she asked me how she looked .
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
The only rule us 5 kids had .
She was in good health!
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
I have no regrets .
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
But, we were locked up after school.
I waited trembling.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
(And it was in our own minds.)
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
On the 31st of Jan this month .
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
I think the readers, may guess!
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
I was scared of men, in general
He was dying to do it , i knew.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Im still living with it.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Was to survive, this bastard.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Put me off passion for life!!
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
I couldn’t, believe it.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
So, i spoilt her more .
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
We all went to grammer schools
He knew the spot.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
I never cut or harmed myself..
Comes on , in middle age.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
He resisted the act ,that day.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
She wouldn,t have been !
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Where the ultimate outsiders.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
We were not on the streets..
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
I could never make a relationship work though!
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
But ive been too sick for many years..
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
She married twice! .
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
Ive learnt so much.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
And i lived it daily.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Why did i forgive my father ?
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
It was going to be , some day.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
My family never makes their pension either.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
All the time i was locked up.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)